Hi, my name Daijah Barnes and I am a domestic violence survivor and victim advocate. In December of 2011, I had a physical altercation with my then-boyfriend that resulted in a knife aimed at my neck. I wedged myself in between the wall and my bed and hoped that he wouldn’t kill me. An outcry from our infant child who lied at the bottom of our bed, diffused the situation long enough for him to think twice, and it saved my life. Two short years later, he found his next victim and their relationship ended with her in a body bag at 17-years-old.
Domestic/Dating Violence is usually aggressive behavior towards a spouse or partner. If you are unsure you may be experiencing something like this, here are some signs that you may use to identify if you’re involved in this type of relationship.
1. Control: Typically, abusers need to check your phone, call logs, communication, friendships.
2. Threats: Being told if you leave they’ll kill themselves, you or family members.
3. Manipulation: Making you feel opposite of what you morally stand for, so the abuser’s request is accepted. For example, if you desire monogamous relationships, but your partner wants the opposite, he or she may make you feel that it is wrong and outdated since everyone else is doing it. If your views change and you participate in what the abuser wants, you’ve experienced manipulation.
4. Verbal: Anything intentionally said to make you feel bad.
5. Intimidation: Any action that breaks down your self-esteem.
Do you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship? Have you experienced some form of these five signs in one way or the other?
As a survivor, advocate, healer, and community doer—I cannot do it all alone. With numbers like 24 people per minute and more than 12 million people per year being victims of violence according to the National Domestic Hotline, we have work to do.
We all know someone or have heard of someone experiencing domestic violence, and it must stop. I will always say offer information, but do not force feed it. I think it starts with the village recreating and molding our little people. I think the reason for domestic violence is because teens and adults are not aware of how to cope with stress.
When have we been taught?
If we show these babies how to manage when they’re going through something and vocalize what it is that they’re feeling—we can bring domestic violence numbers down drastically. If we teach healthy coping mechanisms and they apply it, they’re able to vocalize in the beginning what their feeling and what they will not tolerate. We need to instill self- love, but we must heal first.
My goal is to travel the world in 2019 and provide my story as knowledge and literature that includes my experiences, self-healing, surviving, discipline, and strength—while giving people techniques to combat domestic violence.
Using my own story, I will inform people on how to identify the signs, create an escape, and how to become free. If I show you how to be free and you break free, you can teach someone else—and the pattern continues.
I’m doing the work that I planned. Connect and change the world one word at a time.
How do you plan to combat Dating Violence? Tell me in the comments below!
Who Will Protect And Save Black Women If We Can’t Count On Black Men?
- Words that Speak Life or Death - Wednesday, November 28, 2018
- Do you Have Family Rules? - Monday, November 26, 2018
- Our Mothers Didn’t Know, But We Do, So It’s Time to Change Things - Wednesday, November 14, 2018
Dajah you are so amazing… Keep uplifting the hearts and minds of our Brothers and Sisters, so that we can help build up familes instead of watching them be torn apart. Peace and Love..
@imhotep thank you so much for taking your time out to comment. As long as I have the breath of Life I plan to serve wherever and whenever possible. I receive the peace and love and send it back as well. Happy to be of service!
267 Elmdorf Ave
I a. So proud of you, love you
@Denise Bennett I love you back beauty. Thanks for reading.
This is great information and you will suceeding in helping. Continue with your blessings of helping others be their own voice …
@Champagne Thank you for reading. Each one reach one or thousands if possible…
hello Daijah and i just want to say that im so proud of you and ever since weve met in the year of 2012 yes our lives have definently taken a turn for the better seeing that we have gone through it but now we have that full understanding of who we are and why where here seeing that now we have been Reunited back with our First Love so yes my sister keep on striving for the best and always keep jesus in the center of it all know matter what Daijah i will continue to pray for you all sister continue to be strong in all things and Remember that we are never Alone thanks for sharing your story Love you
This essay and your words are so POWERFUL and resonates with me as I too was in a DV situation and also as I travel down my own journey learning self-love. Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and Strength with me! I truly feel empowered by these words and it’s AMAZING. What I will do to combat DV is teach my son more about it and how to show love and respect to women. Thank you so much for sharing! Take care beautiful and I will be looking forward to hearing more from you❤
Thank you so much reading and reasoning. I am grateful that you to decided that self-love is the best love first. I also believe that knowledge is power, so when you teach your son, you are equipping him as well.
I look forward to having you along my journey as a listener and whatever else you would like as well. Have a beautiful day and remember to smile beautiful.