
White people are the original shit starters and tattle tellers. This is a fact and I have proof.Â
Truthfully speaking, I am usually an easy-going person. I donât bother people, nor do I look for ways to show my complete ass. But on this particular day, well letâs just say I went all in. For the sake of the story (and because I donât know or care about their names) weâll just call them white lady #1 and white lady #2. I may switch it up, but weâll stick with a that for now as I tell you my most recent Chalkasian tattletale experience.
A couple of months ago, I received some free tickets to see The Color Purple play. I decided to invite my friend J with me to have a girlâs night out. Before we took our seats, we made a pit stop at the bar. I ordered a double shot of Hennessy with cranberry juice. As the bartender poured my drink, I could see she was a little heavy handed with the liquor which excited me because cognac ainât cheap and I hate stingy bartenders. Seeing this, my friend J decided to order a double shot of Titoâs with cranberry juice as well. Iâm sure youâre probably thinking âoh shit,â but I promise it gets better or worseâdepending on how you look at it.
Anyway, once we grabbed our drinks, we went to find our seats. As I walk into the theater, I see there is a large amount of wypipo here. Obviously, my friend thought the same thing because we found ourselves saying, âThey do know this is about black people, right?â We laughed and I brushed it off as we continued to look for our seats since Iâve long figured out that the mayo-fused people love the black cultureâthey just hate black people.
We finally found our seats and we sat down. Here is where white lady #1 and white lady #2 come in. As we slide into the row, our seats were the first two seats (or last two) in the row. Anyway, I sat next to white lady #1 and my friend J sat in the aisle seat. Just to give you an idea of the seating arrangement (youâll need it later), it was J in the aisle seat, me, white lady #1 and white lady #2.
Fast forward to the play starting and weâre into it. Like any movie weâve seen a million times, we knew all the lines. As the scenes were acted out, I leaned over to whisper something in Jâs ear. This was obviously not okay to Marge (white lady #2) who was moonlighting as the usher because she felt the need to lean forward and shush me like I was a damn 4-year-old child.
In true black girl form I found myself saying, âDid she just fucking shush me.â
Apparently, my friend was equally disturbed because she leaned forward and asked, âWho fucking shushed you?â
I pointed to the lady and she continued to her stare down. I was beyond outdone and had to really take a few deep breaths before popping off. I decided to give her a pass (huge mistake, youâll find out why later) since I understand white people feel like they are the hall monitors, ushers, line leaders, talk monitors and any other unappointed role of authority when they are in publicâand I didnât want to act a fool before the play was over.
Fast forward about fifteen minutes thereâs another white lady in the row in front of us with her daughter. Throughout the entire play, they whispered things to each other, moved around and other noisy things. As I watched them talk to each other, I noticed how neither Cathy (#1) or Susan (#2) told them to shush. Iâm guessing theyâd hung up their usherâs uniform for the night and was off the clock or had suddenly gone deaf. During this time, J had pulled her phone out a couple times. Now her light was turned all the way down so there was no illumination or sound, but this clearly was not good enough for the row monitors.
Each time she pulled her phone out, I could see Jane (white lady #1) looking over at her out the corner of my eye. I could sense another unwarranted comment was coming, but I just observed. I remember thinking to myself, “She’s about to do something really stupid.” Now remember I said J was in the aisle seat (away from white lady #1), she had the phone light low, and had the phone tucked in her purse. Well the last time she slid it out, white lady #1 who had returned from break was now on usher duty felt the need to lean forward and say, âExcuse me, could you please put your phone awayâIâm trying to enjoy the play.â
What came next would probably need about 20 of those beeps they use to use on the radio when profanity was said. Trying my hardest not to bust out laughing, white lady #1 continues with, âIâm just trying to enjoy the play,â again as if she hadnât already had her whole life read to her and my friend checked her again.
Fast forward to intermission, I return from the bathroom and noticed I didnât see Becky or Barbara. I figured two things: they were either in the restroom or they were doing what Caucasians do bestâwent to tell on us. Iâll let you guess what comes next. As J and I are sitting there, the house manager approaches us. Now this is my favorite part because we all know white people love starting some shit and stepping out of line, only to go run and tell on your ass like they didnât bring this on themselves.
As the manager begins to speak to us, we noticed that heâs very rude, confrontational, and never once did he ask us what happened (he was white too in case you were wondering). He immediately took the word of the colonizer because she came to him âshaking and crying,â because we got her together and she was butthurt now. After fifteen minutes of me correcting his management style and pointing out how she was out of lineâthe situation ended in us getting him together and an actual usher being seated in our row to make sure the poor, white ladies who somehow became the victimsâdonât feel threatened by the two black women they started some shit with.
At this point, there are few things white people can do that would shock me. Matter of fact, Iâm sure as I write this, there is someone scrolling and mumbling the new wypipo disclaimer ânot all white people are like that,â to themselves and to that I say, âfuck off.â Like most black people, Iâm sick and tired of chalkasians being given a pass when one of theirs displays an act of ignorance and racismâbut they have no problem grouping all black people into the thug, criminal, animal, ghetto, and angry boxes they check off like a free appetizer survey at Applebees.
Iâm over trying to search for the needle in a haystack, white saviors who are not like their racist counterparts but sitting quietly when they see things like this going on. These days, itâs difficult to separate those who blatantly donât like black people from those who simply tolerate usâbut secretly do want us to go back to where we came from (wherever this magical place may be).
Whether you are moving into your own apartment, barbequing in the park, shopping at a boutique, chasing down a racist who threw coffee at your car, walking home from the store in a hoodie, silently waiting for your friend at a Starbucks, working out a gym you have a paid membership at, or eating at a Waffle Houseâwhite people find any reason necessary to be offended about you invading their space.
They gentrify our neighborhoods, listen to our music, label us every negative term they can think of, all the while they steal anything black that isnât nailed downâand weâre invading their space.
It is virtually impossible to live in America and not witness the outrageousness of white privilege. Itâs even more impossible to be black in these situations and not feel defenseless because if you go offâthey somehow flip the script, turn on the waterworks, dig in their bag of stereotypes and give a D-rated movie performance to the police.
Unfortunately, many believe this is Trumpâs America, but itâs not. This has always been the attitude of the colonizers in America. This is generations and generations of hate and entitlement breeding passed down. The only thing that is different is that we get to see 30 seconds to 20 minutes of it, live and in color. Despite what anyone would have you believe, there is no such thing as âfree speechâ when youâre black. Regardless to the bootleg bullshit Candace Owens and Kanye are peddlingâthereâs no such thing as âfree thoughtâ when youâre a melanin-filled person in America.
Even though we think we are decades from black people being banned from sitting at white only countersâin their eyes, we arenât. Although, we may feel we have just as many rights as they do to this land that our ancestors built as they bled and died forâwe donât.
As each new incident arises, we are reminded of these simple facts. These are their shopping centers. These are their fitness clubs. These are their restaurants. These are their Starbucks. These are their parks. These are their streets and highways. These are their neighborhoods. These are their police officers. This America they stole, murdered, and raped people for is theirs.
I understand it now. It’s painfully clear to me that when they feel uncomfortable and bothered about you existing in their shitâtheyâre going to do what their forefathers before them have done since the beginning of time.
Tell on yo ass.
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Sister this article is everything. This is what you call the epitome of white privilege. It doesnât matter how wrong they are (Wypipo) their people will always come to their defense. Weâve heard this story all too many times. White women defenseless because blacks are involved. Learn to mind your damn business and there wonât be any problems. Assholes!!