Sometimes when I am working hard or a little bored, I surf the internet for stories to write up and give my expert opinion on. When l search for stories, there are a few boxes I mentally check off before putting pen to paper and beginning my article. Question boxes such as: how informative is this, how ridiculous is this, how does this benefit our audience, and my personal favorite, does it exhibit any form of racism and white privilege that needs to be exposed?

If it meets at least two of those requirements, I will write up something on it. Which leads me to the newest white fiasco that is brewing:

White Civil Rights.

Now I’m sure you’re scratching your head as you ask yourself, “What the fuck hell are white civil rights?” And though I’m sure you are just as confused as I am—let me be the first to inform you they exist and well it’s obviously something Jason Kessler felt you and the good people of Washington D.C. should be aware of.

Kessler, who organized the Unite the Right rally in Charlottesville (the one Trump basically condoned) that quickly turned violent is organizing yet another rally to “discuss” the civil rights abuse the white supremacists initiated were subjected to last year. Normally, something like this I just ignore and move past, however, this was just too good not to further investigate.

If you don’t know or remember what occurred in Charlottesville last year, allow me to refresh your memory. A year ago, a group of Neo-Nazi, alt-right, white supremacists gathered in Charlottesville, VA to protest the removal of confederate statues (one of many that were removed) in cities across the country. Unfortunately, events turned for the worst when the obvious racists became violent (assault, vehicular homicide, and discharging a firearm) towards counter protestors who according to Kessler we’re riled up by the race-baiting Democrats.

Recently, Kessler told WUSA-TV, that this year they have a purpose. Obviously raiding a Home Depot and showing up with Tiki-torches to yell and scream about slavery monuments being removed last year was not their “true” purpose. Hence the need to have a plan and rules [laughs]. According to the KKK junior recruit, he and his fellow white supremacists were not the problem and had the counter protestors not showed up—things would have been just fine.

Apparently to Kessler, angry white people marching with weapons and fire sticks should have just been ignored because nothing bad has ever come from vicious white people who march with fire and weapons chanting racists slurs (“You will not replace us”) and imitating the Nazi hand gestures.

Nothing at all [Kanye shrug].

During the interview, Kessler stated that there will be rules to their racists behavior to protect the racists from being mistreated. His entire purpose for this event is to give white people a platform to express their disdain for their overly privileged civil rights to be protected.

“We’re not able to peacefully assemble. We’re not able to speak,” Kessler explained.

Apparently, he’s been living somewhere outside of the United States because in this country, white people (like the ones in Charlottesville) are always allowed to “peacefully assemble” free from the fear of police brutality, S.W.A.T, the National Guard, tear gas, false arrests & imprisonment, and everything else black people endure when we are trying to exercise our first amendment rights.

He continued with stating, “This rally is not about opposing you. This is about us. This is about white people and standing up for our rights.”

The same rights they’ve clearly had and withheld from other races for centuries. The very rights that have given them idea that slave monuments should remain where they are to remind the non-whites about the rights they didn’t and still don’t have.

Though the permit has not been issued, the application has been approved. Due to this, I decided to scurry on over to their Unite the Right site just to see what the good ole Christian white folks would be up to this August. What I found was pure gold. Of course, the rally information was listed and even offers the would-be racists an opportunity to sign up for updates in the event things are hopefully canceled change.

Then as I continued to scroll down, I see the rules Kessler mentions in his interview. All eleven of them—and boy are they something too see. I’ll save you the trip and list them below, along with my fluent racism for dumbasses interpretation of them all.

  1. Be available in the Charlottesville/ Washington DC area on both August 11th and 12th. We may do a meetup the day before the rally.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people, this simply means please clear your schedule, so they don’t end up with only five people with Tiki-torches and be looking like complete dumbasses while fighting for your civil rights. Their stupidity can only truly be effective if a group of you are out there chanting whatever dumbass slogan they come up with this year. Teamwork makes the racism dream work.

  1. DO NOT go directly to Lee Park on August 12th. It is not safe to go there alone, and we need everyone to communicate this to their friends. Closer to time we will announce a rally point where we can meet up with police before the rally and go in together.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people for your racist safety and the safety of your friends who are also racist AF, please do not go the park alone and risk getting your ass whooped by people who are sick and tired of y’all bullshit. For your safety, please make sure you meet them where the racists with badges will be.

  1. Bring either an American or Confederate flag to the demonstration. No other flags are allowed.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people so they can be sure to property identify you and avoid any infiltration by a rogue, undercover non-racist—please bring the two symbols that represent racism in this country. No other flags will be excepted because they’re only here to push their supremacy agenda. Even though they have stated this rally is not in opposition of anyone else, please make sure you bring the exact flag (American or Confederate) that represents complete opposition of another race.

  1. If there is any problem with the permit or safety, including police stand down, our alternate location will be Lafayette Park at Washington DC in front of the White House. This location is 2 hours distance from Charlottesville.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people this simply means fuck the police and they have come up with a back-up plan in the event the police actually do their job and not allow you to terrorize, beat or kill people like they did last year.

  1. Bring transportation to travel between Charlottesville and Washington DC whether this is your personal vehicle or a rental. We will try to bring additional buses and vans for transportation. If you have extra space, please give rides to others.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people please be sure to have enough space for your fellow racist rally attendees and your racist paraphernalia. If you are unable to fit more than 6 people in your slave rally pick-up vehicle, or if you don’t have a vehicle to terrorize people in—please let them know at the time of registration so they can include you in on the free transportation count. Also, reread rule #1 for further explanation as to why they need all of you there.

  1. DO obey the law at ALL times.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people, although this is a complete contradiction from what Kessler wrote above—you are not animals, thugs or criminals like those other protestors you like to exploit and stereotype when they are fighting for their lives. Make sure you do what you always do and disrespect the police—even if they have to move your protest to another location (see rule #4) because it is deemed unlawful or unsafe.

  1. Take bathroom breaks at approved times. We don’t want you getting separated.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people your racism is only powerful if you are in a group. Also, since the people you always mistreat and demean are not their ancestors—there is a high probability they will stump an entire hole in your ass if provoked. White people please be sure to follow the hand-holding buddy system when going to the bathroom. Bathroom schedules are to prevent you from catching those hands and other forms of reverse racism you come up with.

  1. Our preference is that you come prepared to demonstrate in TWO RALLIES: Charlottesville and Washington DC. Try to factor in a late Sunday night into your travel arrangements. You may want to book your return flight for Monday, August 13th.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people they need your full participation to truly be efficacious in spreading your racist rhetoric and bullying other races. They cannot cause the amount of chaos they desire if you are not in full attendance. To prevent a poor turnout and anyone checking out too early, please tell your job you need to use a few personal days. This way you can terrorize other races for the weekend without worrying about losing your job. You can put your hood back on Tuesday morning.

  1. DO NOT bring unapproved items. This will include weapons, shields, etc. as well as “racist” symbols. This is a White Civil Rights rally, not a street fight or an anti (fill in an ethnic group here) rally.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: Since the police will be here to do your bidding, please don’t bring any violent items that would elude to this not being peaceful like they said. Also, even though they said this is not a racist rally and to leave racist symbols at home, don’t forget to bring those items (see rule #3) to show you are.

  1. DO have a high expectation that you should not have to go into a dangerous situation where law enforcement has not done their job. No one should have to fight through a mob of armed Communists to enter a public park and express their Constitutional rights.

RACIST INTERPRETATION: White people you should not have to fight the very people you are oppressing on a regular basis while fighting for the rights you already have. The police should be doing what they have been doing for decades and that is arresting, beating, and locking up other people to protect you. Your white privilege affords you the right to express the Constitutional rights you bitch about other races expressing without controversy.


RACIST INTERPRETATION: Although the media, countless police departments and government officials have lied and convinced the general population that police officers body cameras are ineffective—and never work during police shootings of unarmed black people—they do in fact work. Please be sure to purchase a high-quality camera so in the event you run into someone who may physically assault you for being the racist prick you are—you can get justice.

If further interpretation of these rules is needed, please ask your nearest white person. 


Shadress Denise
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