Rachel Dolezal is a prime example of when wanting to be black goes wrong. The culture vulture’s latest “alleged” black moment was her recent run-ins with the law because nothing says “I’m black as hell” than feeding into the “black people are criminals” stereotype. It’s your typical wypipo doing some grand revisionist history. How I keep getting tricked into expecting anything less or anything else is beyond me, but we’re here…again. This time, Dolezal, who now faces serious jail time has no idea of what’s ahead.

After being publicly outed by her parents (some white people shit) about not really being black, the former Spokane NAACP president has done numerous interviews to defend her lie (more white people shit), and basically denounce her super white parents. Determined to possess that black girl magic, Dolezal decided to make a giant leap into black alter ego. Emancipating herself from her white parents (yep, more white people shit), Dolezal changed her name in 2016.

Stepping up her cultural appropriation to somewhere between Coming to America & Roots levels, Dolezal chose the name—Nkechi (gift from God) Diallo (bold). Because nothing in this entire universe says “I’m really black y’all” than choosing an African name. Personally, the only bold thing about any of this is this white ass lady crowning herself with a stolen culture’s name.

But, I digress.

In addition, to being guilty of first degree racial fraud, and one count of second degree colonialism—Dolezal is guilty of welfare fraud. Unaware than being on welfare is more of a white people thing—she’s getting a first-hand experience at how this country treats black people criminals when they fall on the wrong side of the law.

Under her new gentrified name, Dolezal has been accused of receiving more than $8,800 in food and childcare assistance between August 2015 and November 2017. The fraud investigation started in March 2017, when it was discovered the queen of colonialism was not accurately reporting her income. Records proved Dolezal was reporting her income as less than $500 a month, while dropping a whopping $84,000 into her accounts during those times.

(Sidenote: I just want to say I’m hella salty about this as a taxpayer, especially since when I was unemployed, I damn near had to prove I was living in a box to qualify—and still couldn’t get any!!)

The funds were discovered to be from monthly installments from book sales, speaking engagements, artwork sales, and other entrepreneurial endeavors she’s pursued.

Dolezal received her official “welcome to being black” greeting Monday when she was booked and fingerprinted at the Washington state jail. She will be awaiting trial on first-degree theft by welfare fraud, perjury in the second degree and false verification for public assistance. She faces up to 15 years in prison, while the state also seeks to obtain restitution for the assistance she received.

Damn, Rachel. All those years fighting for black people’s rights and you didn’t peep how we are really treated in this country? Oh, well. I guess you’re going to get an up close and personal understanding now. Maybe your kitchen hair braiding business will get the boost it needs. Because nothing says you’re black in America like the criminal justice system saying,

“Take this black ass jail time.”

Shadress Denise
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