You know, since Vogue Evolution has gotten the ax on ABDC, the show has lost some of its glitter luster. I don’t know what’s going on, but I kind of miss their presence on the show. Not because I thought they were even remotely close to being America’s Best Dance Crew, but because they brought awareness to the underground culture in which they’ve lived for years. For weeks, the homosexual community celebrated this breakthrough, while some of the heterosexual community gaffed at this blatant display of—what they consider—an abomination. But why? Is this because “that” community should forever remain silenced because “they” don’t represent what a group of Black men should look like to the rest of the world? But actually—if you look around, they kind of do. Men went from getting manicures, pedicures, facials, and eyebrow arching, to wearing eyeliner (to make their eyes look more mysterious) and carrying purses man bags to hold their “accessories”. I’m going to be honest, I thought the metro-sexual trend was where it ended—I couldn’t have been more wrong in that assumption (and you know what they say about assumptions). And then there were skinny jeans. This is where I hold my head in shame and give up on what I consider life. This trend is the worst thing since Hammer pants—which I would happily trade in place of these damn denim leggings at this point.
Remember when dudes used to get beat up in alleys for wearing his jeans too tight? I do too! But the irony is, those thugs who used to do the beating, are now wearing those same tight-ass nut-huggers, and should be ridiculed for all the torment they’ve unleashed on the community and revered as nothing less than closet homosexuals who use “fashion” to express their hidden desires to dress like women—I guess I shouldn’t have said that-huh? What I will say, is that this trend is not—I repeat—is not, as simple as history repeating itself. These are not the skinny jeans of the 80s. This is an entirely new level of gayness, and it’s being introduced to our children. How wild is that?
Now before you continue reading, I warned you before you started that a little thing called an epiphany is about to bust you over the head—without regret.
I don’t want you to think that I’m actually bashing the homosexual community—I am in no way doing that! But what I am bashing is the concept that as a Black man, it is ok for you to follow in the footsteps of another black man—Lil’ Wayne, who has been spotted kissing another grown man in the mouth—and thinking it’s ok to bash gays, but then turn around and dress just like them. Now, honestly, we know that Weezy F. Baby didn’t start this dreadful trend. But what he did do was helped to introduce this fad to a generation of youngsters who are seeking self-identification in a pair of Tinky-Winky-Purple Robins Jeans bending over to show us those pretty wings.
Back to Vogue Evolution for a minute. If you’ve checked them out, you noticed them dipping and dropping it low while doing the latest dance crazes. Ironically, the Jerk has not swept the nation with fluid movement of the reverse Running Man, but the dance also includes having guys dropping their asses to the ground, bouncing while getting low, kicking out their legs—all while in lime-green denim stretch pants (probably with stirrups under the feet).
You hard-ass cats are out here doing the “Stanky Leg” and the “Booty Do” when you use to “Tear the Club Up”. And you wonder why women are dating out of their race. Hmmm. With brothers on the DL running rampant around our community, you want to dress the part? Somebody needs to be able to differentiate between the two. Not only wearing ass-gripping jeans, but showing off your dusty-ass draws. I know you’re really not trying to sag. You’re probably having a problem getting them up over your ass. Get it together and get some damn respect about yourselves before you have a permanent problem that not even Viagra can solve.
When the smoke clears, remember, some things should remain like the slogan for Secret—strong enough for a man, but made for a woman—so give the ladies their pants back, and let’s not try this again. Thanks!
Death of Skinny Jeans! This is the official first shot at murdering this trend, and I ain’t even loaded my guns yet.